Excellent Observation...

I’m enjoying this.

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
…………………………Well… To be honest I’m not sure. Somewhere between shoving him into a fireplace and checking to see if he is correct….
2. Do you trust all of your friends?
What a hilarious question, Miss Skeeter.
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Unfortunately they live much farther than that-
What?
Oh- no. Theoretically- No, I don’t have a lover, Skeeter! Will you stop pestering-
….
……..NEXT QUESTION.
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Basic cause and effect deal, eh?
5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Why would I want a dollar?
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Myself.
7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
…So help me if you-
9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
Are you implying something?!
10. Whats your most favorite scar?
Now you’re mocking me.
11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
Snapes on a plane? Unlikely.
12. What did the last text message you sent say?
My what?
13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
These questions are absurd. I was expecting something important like my discoveries pertaining to the properties of dragonsbane….
14. Fill in the blank. I love:
your dead body.
15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
To bring number 14 into existence.
16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
No one. I would prefer to -stay- asleep if anything.
17. How many kids do you want to have?
HA!
18. Would you make a good parent?
HA!
19. Where was your default picture taken?
Erm….
20. Whats your middle name?
………………………Tobias.
21. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
I can’t seem to get that beautiful face of yours out of my head. [sarcasm]
……..What?
No, woman. I was lying.
22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
…………5th year. I would repeat 5th year.
23. Who was or will be the maid of honor/ best man in your wedding?
[snort] What wedding?
24. What are you wearing right now?
Clothes. More importantly, what are YOU wearing?
25. Righty or Lefty?
Any more innapropriate questions, Miss Skeeter, and I will be glad to escort you out.
26. Best place to eat?
My Chambers.
27. Favorite jeans?
Ugh.
28. Favorite animal?
Dead ones.
29. Favorite juice?
Liver.
30. Have you had the chicken pox?
No.
31. Have you had a sore throat?
From shouting.
32. Ever had a bar fighT?
A few.
33. Who knows you the best?
Myself.
34. Shoe size?
Pointless.
35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Neither.
36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Jefferson is 100% slut. I hate him.
37. Been to Mexico?
Que?
38. Did you buy something today?
No.
39. Did you get sick today?
Of this interview.
40. Do you miss someone today?
Not you.
41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Perhaps you.
42. When is the last time you had a massage?
?!?!
43. Last person to lay in your bed
Me?
44. Last person to see you cry?
I don’t cry.
45. Who made you cry?
Must I repeat myself?!
46. What was the last TV show you watched?
Eh—?!
47. What are your plans for the weekend?
Drink.
48. Who do you think will repost this?
The Daily Prophet obviously.
49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
I’m astonished at your vocabulary. “Hung out with?”? I would expect a journalist to find a more suitable phrase….
50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
Obviously nothing, because I don’t have one.

sociopath-in-a-sweatervest:

(Source: oneira-taxia, via fuckyeahsnape)

I feel the sudden need to write a fanfiction.

It would seem that someone has gotten on this journal and conjured pictures of loathsome cats and pictures of this man who looks remarkably like myself.

I will find the culprit and ensure he receives his punishment.

For now, ignore the sorely irrelevant posts.

Sarcasm.

Dumbledore’s party to be exact.

He’s insisted that I attend. I mentioned my seclusion lately, have I not? Well… he has threatened to boot me from the castle if I do not lighten my temper. I responded with a sneer and silence but I suppose I must go now…

It does not help that my mood has been made fouler than normal by the steady hostility of students and their constant cheek. Not to mention an argument with Madam Hooch over the importance of Quidditch. I found the game to be a pointless passtime which reaped no rewards except house points for those who lacked enough brains to excel in school, ergo they earn points on the field where the only instincts they need are flying, fumbling around, and catching things. Oh, what an important contribution to wizarding culture- I’m sure. Not when there are people like me who seek a cure to lycanthropy, make breakthroughs in defensive magic, write valuable articles over rare ingredients and how to use them- no. It is quidditch everyone fawns over like some disgusting, snot-nosed baby!

Life isn’t fair.

So… as a result of the argument we were in each other’s faces, spitting insults. I insulted her hair. She then insulted my lack of hygeine. Then my nose.

Then I was outraged.

I honestly can’t do anything about my nose unless I wish to go through months of trouble trying to alter it when it wouldn’t make me any more liked than I am right now! Which is to say, not liked at all. I might as well keep the appearance to assist myself when I’m drunk and feel the need to dwell on every mistake I’ve ever made.

I held my tongue which was about to spit out something involving her lack of femininity but that would surely attract the attention of every other damn female staff member insisting she is beautiful, independent, and so forth. I honestly could care less. She’s a prat. 

….I suppose I’m just made another enemy in the school. No matter there.

So, obviously I don’t want to attend this party. Hooch will probably be present, Dumbledore will either ignore me or humiliate me by making a game to see what sort of underwear I’ve got on or how many times I wash my hair a year, or how much snot can come out of my massive nose.

Dumbledore does it all in jest, of course. The other staff members participate in this ‘fun’ with as much maliciousness as Potter himself would if he were given the chance to drown me in a bathtub- and yes, I read that in his bloody dream diary. Insolent little twit! Just like his father… repulsively violent thoughts conjured simply to sustain his need for entertainment. There’s no question that he thinks up worse things. And Dumbledore thinks I need to reevaluate my impression. Bah!

To conclude this little entry, I will say I want some wine. I’m getting sick of whiskey- not to mention it leaves my breath smelling rank…. like I were some low drunkard. At least wine will give off a more respectable aura. One can only dream…

Yes… I’m quite aware that it is big news. I haven’t slept for more than 3 hours at a time for… years.

I managed a good 8 and was even given a dream.

It was a terrible one, of course… involving Sirius Black, flying motorcycles, owls, and a teenager who had an unnatural flying ability. There were a number of snakes as well…

I haven’t anything… useful to write…

Though I will say that things are… quieter than usual. In fact, very quiet. I have a good reason for it of course. I had spent the past couple of weeks within my chambers doing absolutely nothing. I attend classes often enough but I no longer possess the patience to give the well deserved detentions most of my students usually receive. I refuse to come up for dinner…

Perhaps you think I have been overtaken by a late wave of teenage angst- that I will not leave my rooms to join my fellow staff members? Why, you ask? Because I was received rudely the last time I attended? Multiple times? And I am simply tired of it?

I no longer believe Dumbledore when he insists that my presence stabilizes the good humor and they actually want me there. Good riddance in their opinion… I suspect they have viewed my disgraceful efforts at socializing in disgust for quite some time now and hope to expel me like any other undesirable Professor like Umbridge or Lockhart and so forth. But obviously Dumbledore can never allow that…

So… I’ve received 5 letters in the past 3 days stuffed under my door near begging me to attend dinner. I’ve burned each and every one of them and.. sat here… feeling pleasantly dead.

I will return when they express need of me- in a courteous manner. For now, there is absolutely no reason for me to linger in their midst uninvited.

I need no one.